Bloodlines
by Distant-Moon
Summary: It is one of life's unfortunate truth's that you can't pick your family. It was unfortunate because if it were possible to do such a thing, Aang would have strongly recommended to Zuko to disown great-grandpa Avatar Roku immediately.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, this one-shot was just too beautiful for me not to post. Furthermore I'm surprised no one else has reached this very same conclusion about Zuko's family. When the man says that there isn't a single **_**normal**_** person in his bloodline, he damn well means it. Just what am I getting at? **

**Just keep reading. All the answers are in the fic.**

**Note: I take a lot of liberties with what I read in the Promise. I mean A LOT of liberties. I kept the dialogue and the actions word for word, but I added a little more to the beginning of Aang and Roku's conversation. Rated T for cursing and mentions of extremely awkward situations, some of which are sexual in nature. Also rated for Roku being an extremely twisted old man, as you will soon see. Perhaps not as twisted as Azula or Ozai, but certainly not innocent either.**

**There is also implied Rozin (Roku x Sozin), so if you don't like, don't read. In my opinion they might just be one of the most well-thought-out pairings the Avatar fandom has to offer. Even left as just friends, those two have a shit-ton of feels. **

**However, in spite of my fondness for the pairing, Roku is going to get **_**BURNED**_** in this fic. I don't hesitate to deeply shame and humiliate the characters I hold near and dear to my heart. Roku is no exception. Come to think of it, Sozin doesn't escape unscathed either. Or Iroh for that matter…**

…

…**On with the fic!**

* * *

"**Bloodlines****"**

It is one of life's unfortunate truth's that you can't pick your family. It was unfortunate because if it _were_ possible to do such a thing, Aang would have strongly recommended to Zuko to disown great-grandpa Avatar Roku immediately.

Without hesitation.

As in, as soon as freaking possible.

Seriously. Aang would tell him to dump the fucker and latch on to his uncle for all it was worth. And when Zuko demanded to know why he should abandon the one thread of his lineage that isn't tainted by Fire Lord Sozin's dishonor (because he most definitely _would _ask…as sure as former General Iroh _would _have his Naked Iroh Time at precisely four-thirty every Thursday afternoon _without fail_) Aang would just give him a dire, solemn expression that was more appropriate at a funeral and say…

"_Trust me_."

And hopefully Zuko wouldn't ask any more questions. Aang really didn't want to have to explain to his friend just how twisted and senile his great-grandfather truly was…is…whichever. The young Avatar was also fervently wishing that the dead would just stay dead and let the living handle things for a change.

Fat chance. Roku could be as persistent as an old dog with a bone in its mouth, especially regarding the whole Hundred-Year-War fiasco. Restore balance, correct my mistakes, yadda-yadda-yadda. It was always the same thing with the old bastard, and it was this very thing that made Aang (who is totally on board the love-and-forgiveness train) realize that an old dog won't learn new tricks, that a leopard-buffalo can't change its spots, and that a miserable, washed-up _fuck _of an Avatar won't stop harping to kill his own great-grandson.

Was Aang surprisingly and almost uncharacteristically bitter about this? Perhaps. But then, if you had, had the week that _he _had—almost culminating in the almost cheerfully cold-blooded murder of a very close friend of his, all while most of his other friends and acquaintances were giving him the thumbs up—maybe you would have a bit of a stick up _your _ass, too.

And Roku was there every step of the way, shoving that stick just as far as it could go. Keeping him awake at night. Haunting his dreams and disturbing his meditation sessions. Pestering him with questions like, _Hey Aang? Didja kill Zuko yet? Well, you better get on it, you little scamp! _And then he would come back…night after night, endlessly lecturing him about balance and harmony and this and that and fuck knows what else. It was a wonder Aang hadn't snapped like a twig under all that pressure.

But what really topped the icing on the cake was the conversation he had, had with Roku mere days after the Yu Dao drama had finally died down.

* * *

It was surprisingly cool for a summer's night, but Avatar Aang was unfazed by the unseasonable weather as he perched on the roof of the Jasmine Dragon and got into lotus position. Quite frankly, he was way overdue for a nice, relaxing, mind-numbing trance. It had been days since he had been able to meditate for the sheer joy of it…without having to consult his past lives in a tiny rock-sundae shell; all while his friends were risking their lives to separate two armies hell-bent on slaughtering one another.

Oh, yes, Aang was looking forward to some well-deserved peace and quiet. If he didn't take a breather soon, he'd probably wind up like Zuko. The poor bastard was still sleeping off his near-death experience back at Yu Dao…not to mention months of sleeplessness and paranoia over his would-be assassins. And the worst part about all of that was the fact that Zuko's feelings were completely and totally _justified_.

A year ago, Aang would have poo-pooed the newly-crowned Fire Lord had he complained that the entire world was out to get him. Now, though…after finding out that his past life, Avatar Roku, was in fact Zuko's great-grandfather…and upon making the realization that the old man _still_ wanted him to send the boy into an untimely grave…well…

At least Zuko wasn't a whiner…well, not as much as he used to be. Now he was more of a bottle-things-up-until-you-end-up-leading-heroic-and-near-suicidal-missions-of-honor kind of guy. Seriously, knowing that one of the past Avatars wanted you dead (and said Avatar being your own flesh and blood besides) would upend any sane individual.

Not that Aang actually bothered to sit Zuko down and _tell_ him any of this. There were some things better left unknown, right? And anyway, everything turned out all right in the end. No one had died, the Earth King had withdrawn his forces and General Mak of the Fire Nation had agreed to do the same until an agreement could be reached. Nothing could possibly go wrong now.

It was over. It was finally over.

"I can worry about that stuff later," he grumbled, breathing out through his nose and trying to clear his mind. "Right now, I just need to find my center, aaaaaaaand…" He inhaled again, closing his eyes. His tattoos glowed a bright blue as he shut out the sounds of the summer night around him.

Everything was dark…calm…quiet…

_Perfect…_

"Hello, Aang."

_Oh, you have GOT to be shitting me_.

Reluctantly, the young Avatar opened his eyes and found himself sitting opposite Roku…_motherfucking Roku_. The monk felt a surge of frustration at having his alone time interrupted.

"Hey," he snapped. "I was kind of in the middle of something."

"Meditating. I know. And I have come to have a talk with you, Aang. This is important."

Wonderful. Whenever Roku had something "important" to tell Aang, it usually meant that the shit was really about to hit the fan. The last important thing he had come to tell him (besides the whole kill-my-great-grandbaby thing) was "By the way…SOZIN'S COMET!" So, naturally, the last Airbender was none too thrilled to hear such an announcement from the previous Avatar. No matter how innocent it sounded, it was always bad news, guaranteed.

Well, whatever it was that the old fart was selling, he wasn't buying.

"With all due respect, Roku, I'm not really mentally prepared to have this conversation now," Aang pointed out, grasping desperately for a loophole. "I haven't really been able to meditate peacefully in _day_s, and…"

"Aang, please. The reasons don't matter. You need to listen."

Oh, great. Roku was in one of his _decisive_ moods. How peachy for everyone.

Well, at least he wasn't about to be the harbinger of untold destruction on to the world like he had been back during the Winter Solstice last year. No, more likely he was just here to lecture Aang's ear off for not doing the right thing and brutally killing one of his dearest friends and companions.

This was almost as bad as that time when the past Avatars were throwing that post-war Spirit World orgy, and Roku had gotten completely piss-faced (and yes, Spirits can consume alcohol, but unfortunately Aang had forgotten the mechanics involved with the process as it was _too fucking creepy_ to watch). The hammered geezer had much wisdom to share with Aang that night…of the unwanted variety; namely that he and Sozin _sort of _had a "thing" going before he had met Ta-Min. And by a "thing," he had apparently meant something ridiculously kinky involving ice cubes and women's pantyhose.

Please, for the love of the Spirits, don't ask.

"I know you feel as if the situation in Yu-Dao has resolved itself," Roku continued. "But really, it is only a matter of time before things get out of hand again. This state of peace is merely temporary, a calm before the storm…for there can never be balance or harmony if the four nations aren't kept separate from one another. You _know_ this."

He breathed a sigh. "I thought I did…but…Roku, you saw what I saw, right? We'd be uprooting too many lives to remove the remaining Fire Colonies…separating families…and anyway, what's the harm in it? So Yu-Dao isn't Earth Kingdom _or _Fire Nation. So what? Can't people just live their lives in peace? There's been too much fighting already."

"Aang," Roku said in a warning tone of voice. "You must take _decisive _action to preserve this peace."

"And I did. I protected the colony. My friends and I initiated further negotiations between Earth King Kuei and Zuko. We're all on the same page now...except for you!" The younger Avatar clenched his hands into fists and glared at the old man. "Didn't you see how happy Sneers and Kori were? And what about Kori's mother and father? If they can bring two different cultures together…live in the same house for all these years without _killing _each other…don't you think—"

"It wasn't meant to be this way. It isn't natural."

Aang was kind of miffed that Roku was being so narrow-minded about all of this. And what was unnatural about wanting to be with the ones you loved, regardless of their race? Katara had been right…this wasn't just the future of some colonists…it was the future of a new kind of world, one he really, really wanted to live in. Besides, he had an idea of some cross-cultural experimentation he planned on doing with his lovely Water Tribe girlfriend in the future, and he _definitely _was intrigued by the possibilities.

"What, and getting down on your knees and practically begging me to slaughter a beloved family member of yours is more natural? Or that thing you did with the ice cubes?"

Roku's eyes widened and his voice dropped to a melodramatic whisper. "We don't _talk_ about the ice cubes…!"

"Seriously?" Aang cried, his voice almost cracking in disbelief. "_That's _the part that skeeves you out the most? The thought of anyone else finding out about your sexual preferences? Not the part about you very adamantly persuading me to kill Zuko? Your great-grandson, Zuko? Cripes, you weren't even this vocal when I had my doubts about killing _Ozai_…!"

Roku didn't say anything. He didn't have to. But it didn't stop the crotchety bastard from narrowing his eyes at the monk, as though he were an unruly, upstart brat. This made Aang sigh and feel really, really old. He was currently relearning the life lesson (as his past lives did before him) that there was just no getting through to some people, and that to continue arguing would be like trying to have an intelligent conversation with a member of one of his fan clubs. Or a brick wall.

Slowly, Aang opened his eyes and shook his head. "I'm not like you, Roku."

And thank the Spirits for that.

"Aang, you _are_ me."

"Yes," the monk strained impatiently, squirming at the uncomfortable reminder. "But…to ask me to end your own great-grandson…!"

"For the sake of the world!"

_More like for the sake of your crumbling legacy, old man. Like I don't know you're just trying to live again through me. Not happening_. Seriously, Roku prattled on and on about making up for _his _mistakes just a little too much to be considered healthy, even at his advanced age.

Lucky for him he had never told anyone the real reason why Sozin went on his great march of civilization. After all, the man had only gotten the idea after Roku gone and announced that he was getting married to someone else…and a woman, just to add insult to injury. As a matter of fact, Roku was the one who had gone and said during the seventh round of drinks at the bachelor's party, "You know what you need, 'Zin? A project to take your mind off of things. Something time-consuming and challenging…like pai-sho. Or Genocide."

Of course, the Fire Lord chose the latter as a means of expressing his unrequited desires. And Roku could reasonably say that he didn't remember giving Sozin the idea (or the maps of the Western Earth Kingdom) in the haze of the morning hangover that inevitably followed.

And this—the very drunk Roku had adamantly assured Aang during that Spirit World orgy—was the _real _cause of the Hundred Years War. Damn, could those dead people _drink_.

Anyway, apparently this was the one thing Roku and Sozin had in common. They both felt a dire need to over-compensate for their regrets. And they were both selfish pricks who didn't care how much destruction was left in the wake of their "over-compensating." Aang had kept all of this quiet, not out of kindness or respect for his past life, but out of sheer embarrassment.

It wasn't even the fact that Roku and Sozin were both guys. The monks had been generally open and accepting of homosexuality, so Aang wasn't really fazed to hear about their brief romance. Actually, they were kind of a cute couple, and if it weren't for the whole watching-the-world-burn thing Aang would totally approve. The world needed more love in it.

But that wasn't what the world got. Instead, it had gotten the Hundred Years War, all because Roku couldn't hold his liquor for a damn. Roku claimed that it was his _indecisiveness_ that caused the world to burn and loudly urged Aang not to follow in his wishy-washy footsteps…but even if that was the case, Aang liked to think he could be decisive without killing all of his friends and family…that he could resolve conflicts without resorting to senseless violence.

His teachings were all he had left of the Air Nomads…well, that and a magical, logic-defying sky bison. He wasn't about to throw all of that wisdom away for the bloodthirsty ravings of a functioning alcoholic who liked to tape ice-cubes to his nipples.

Sure, Roku did have a point somewhere. _The Avatar must hold the world above his own nation, his own friends…even his own family_. But the world wasn't just made up of large tracts of land…it was made up of people. And so Aang had learned from Roku's mistakes after all. In contemplating the world, he would not be so callous towards the people who lived in it, and more importantly, who had to live and suffer with his decisions.

"When you told me to contemplate the world," Aang said. "…what did you expect me to picture in my mind? A map? Some floaty cosmic energy?"

He paused, letting his words sink in. Roku's brow creased deeper with his heavy frown, clearly sensing where this cryptic question would lead. The last Airbender felt a stab of frustration when the only reaction he got for it was a sigh of greatly-tested patience as he waited for Aang to make his point.

"You know what I actually did see?" the monk challenged. "Katara, Sokka, and Toph. I saw the Kyoshi Warriors and the White Lotus Society, the monks who raised me. And I saw Zuko." His stern expression quickly hardened into a glare when he saw not a lick of remorse in the old Firebender's eyes. "I don't know how to "_contemplate the world" _without first thinking of the people I care about."

There was a pregnant pause and a blank expression on Roku's face.

"Including Zuko," Aang added, in case the previous Avatar had yet to catch on.

Oh, he did. He just didn't care. Crusty old fuck.

"By refusing to take decisive action, you continue to put the world at risk!"

Aang almost lost it at that point. He really did. _Decisive action? Decisive action…?! What does he think I've been doing this entire time? Penguin-sledding? Jerking off on Appa's saddle? WHAT? _Seriously, he had stood between two armies, two spirits-damned armies, held them apart at arm's length, and verbally bitch-slapped the Earth King for…well…overcompensating. For almost starting another giant world war. Just like Roku and Sozin.

It was all so completely ridiculous, because if you really sat down to think about it, Zuko never actually did anything wrong. Aang will be the first one to admit that he had been a little too quick to blame the new Fire Lord for the near-renewal of the war. In his own defense, he had been under a lot of pressure himself to see the Harmony Restoration Movement through and to restore balance to the world, so much so that he didn't realize what he had come so close to destroying in Yu Dao.

Plus, it had all snowballed out of control once Zuko had pulled out and Roku started giving Aang these nightly _"helpful suggestions" _about how important it was to fulfill a promise to a friend and emotionally unstable, extremely fatalistic young monarch. Especially if that promise was the sweet, sweet abandonment of death.

Um, how about NO? Even stressed and sleep deprived, Aang could say without a shred of doubt that it was the most stupid thing he had ever heard. He had no idea where the fuck his own brain had been when he had even _made _that promise to Zuko.

Seriously. What the hell had he been thinking?

What Aang really wanted to know was why Roku was so dead-set on killing _Zuko_ for defending a town of colonials, and leaving _Earth King Kuei_, the real aggressor in all of this, completely unscathed. It made absolutely no sense unless…

…unless Roku just wanted Zuko dead. Plain and simple. Aang's eyes widened.

_Whoa. Zuko really wasn't kidding all those times he complained that the Spirits were out to get him._

It was literally true.

Aang knew then that he had to end this conversation immediately…before he said something he couldn't take back. Something about Roku taking his decisive actions and _decisively _shoving them up his decisive old ass. And then he could _decisively_ go fuck himself.

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves. _Easy, Aang, _he coached himself. _Be calm and patient…and forgiving…just like Monk Gyatso taught you._

"It's a new kind of world," he said finally, opening his eyes and looking almost sad as he met the gaze of his former mentor. "There's no getting around risk."

And there was one big risk he knew he had to take. Sure, it might come back to bite him in the ass a few years down the line, but Aang was going to have to chance it. He was a fully-realized Avatar now and it was time he started trusting himself to figure out the difference between right and wrong…just like Zuko finally learned to do when he decided to defend Yu Dao.

Too bad Roku didn't impart that same kind of trust in his young successor. "Aang—" he began urgently, but the monk cut him off.

"Avatar Roku, you taught me so much. I couldn't have become the Avatar I am today without your wisdom. But everything's so different now. It's not like when you were alive…" _You're a stubborn, senile old man with an ice cube fetish_. "I have to figure this out on my own."

The words felt like an unnatural chill on the summer night air.

"Goodbye," said Aang, turning away as Roku's figure crumbled into a hazy blue mist.

"Aang!"

The final exclamation of the former Avatar was snuffed out like a candle. The wind carried the final remaining traces of his mentor away, and good riddance. How was _that_ for decisive action?

Regardless, Aang couldn't feel any complacency in his triumph, no joy or smugness, or even relief. Well, okay, that last one was a lie. Aang was definitely relieved to finally be rid of Roku. But at the same time, as he snapped the wooden token bearing the carving of the Fire Nation insignia off of his meditation bead necklace, all he could feel was a crushing, overwhelming sense of grief.

A single tear trailed down the side of his face as fire consumed the token, and he made no move to wipe it away as he watched it burn. He had just said goodbye to a very important part of himself, to the man who was influential in shaping the young man and Avatar that Aang was today…

…the man who was at least halfway liable for the Hundred Years War, and who almost started another one by giving Aang such shitty advice…i.e. to slay the one functioning heir to the throne of the Fire Nation and (thereby) sending said nation into a spiraling abyss of political turmoil, which would undoubtedly result in massive casualties in the civil war that followed. Not to mention the fact that war had a nasty habit of spreading…like some kind of weird fungus.

Still, Aang grieved. Just like you would grieve at the funeral of your grandfather, the sleazy one who liked to feel up the women not even half his age and rant endlessly about "_the good old days,"_ while showing off his bedsores to whatever unfortunate relative happened to be in the room. Like you would for the elderly person at the very top of the list to be sent away to a nursing home located in another state.

This lasted for about a few minutes longer before Iroh showed up.

"Aang! Guess who just woke up?"

Aang's eyes snapped open, mourning period over and fresh smile on his face. "About time! How's he doing, Iroh?"

The Dragon of the West, now a humble tea-maker, smiled fondly up at the boy. "Why don't you come in and see for yourself?"

And in that briefest of moments, Aang was grateful that Zuko had at least one good, sturdy, _normal_, relatively trustworthy family member to fall back on. Even if said family member _did_ like to indulge in Naked Iroh Time every Thursday at four thirty in the afternoon, _without fail_. After all, nobody was perfect.

Maybe it was time he started to accept that about himself. Sure, by some standards he might be considered a "flawed Avatar" due to his inability to relinquish his emotional attachments and the people he cared about. And by other standards he might be flawed due to the fact that he was the reincarnation of a guy like _Roku_.

But still…maybe it was these flaws that made people human…that made the world beautiful…that made…

"I have tea on the stove," Iroh added, waggling his eyebrows.

…the best damn tea on the face of the planet.

* * *

**A/N: This fic has the potential to be much, much longer. But I thought that in the event that it doesn't really sell with the readers, I should leave it entirely in Aang's perspective for the first chapter so that I can keep it a nice, neat little one-shot if need be. **

**However, if people seem to like this, I see no reason why I shouldn't continue this…into the next chapter, which will feature Aang's immediate conversation with Zuko and the young Fire Lord's misguided desire to seek out the one piece of his lineage that wasn't chock-full of evil (i.e. Roku's) by finding his mother. Aang, obviously, will have to fumble for reasons as to why this is a terrible idea.**

**And, of course, there are other members of Zuko's family who need the spotlight. Azula…Ursa…Iroh (again)…and Fire Lords of the distant past. Family ties will be explored and dissected as Zuko journey's to find out just what happened to his mother.**

**All of that, of course, depends on what you guys think of this, the potential prequel or prologue or whatever you want to call it. So I need feedback. Consider this a shameless attempt at self-advertising and plea for reviews. I really don't care what you call it as long as it gets me some results.**

**Enjoyed it? Want more? REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow. I wasn't expecting so many people to review this story! Not that I'm complaining. I actually owe you guys an apology for not updating sooner. Hurricane Sandy really fucked up my neighborhood, so the library and internet spots were all messed up. I could only get on today, so I'm posting this chapter immediately. Sorry for the wait. **

**It'll be an interesting challenge, putting my own spin on Aang and Zuko and the Promise comics in general. And since I had a crap ton of free time on my hands, I took the liberty of mapping out the rest of this story up until Zuko makes his decision to search for Ursa (which we ALL knew would happen, so don't go giving me the stink eye for handing out spoilers).**

**Unfortunately, the longer I worked on this chapter, the more I realized that the tone is almost completely different from the first chapter. As in, I put more thought into this, more effort, and cursed a lot less. I realize I use cursing in narrative as a crutch (not just to portray people as human-fucking-beings), especially in humor. So, this time around I'm experimenting to see if I can match the humor of the last chapter without cursing as much.**

**Another shocker…parts of this chapter come off as **_**serious business**_**. I don't know where THAT came from since I sat down with the intention of making everyone laugh. But as I flipped through the Promise comics again and rewatched key episodes of the show, I realized that Aang's back story is a lot more angsty than is given credit…in fact, it's as angsty as Zuko's, and that's saying something. The guy is a big old angst-sandwich!**

**Plus, Zuko isn't exactly a sunshine-and-rainbows kind of guy. And in this chapter, Aang comes to a frightening realization that all of his gloom and doom points to something much deeper and troubling…which doesn't exactly make for good humor **_**right now**_**, but sets up some funny plot points later…I hope.**

**I won't elaborate. You'll see soon enough. However, I **_**will **_**say that I'm going to try my damndest to stick to the theme of "Zuko's family is fucking nuts, run like hell!" without getting too serious. At the same time, I'll explore various concepts relating to home and family and all sorts of stuff, hopefully without lecturing you guys. **

**In fact, each chapter now has a theme. Last one was simply "Bloodlines." This chapter's theme is "Home." It's a loose theme, but…well…whatever. I tried. I squeezed eleven pages out of this. Deal with it.**

**Next time, I'll work on this story when it isn't a fucking hurricane outside. That might help.**

* * *

"**Home"**

If it was true that you cannot pick your family, then at the very least one should be allowed to handpick the special place referred to as "home." However, they also say that you can't go home again, and as it turns out, this was another unfortunate truth that Aang would come to learn before the night ended.

Now for the young Avatar, "home" used to be the Southern Air Temple. The memories of the now derelict monastery left a painful ache in his heart; which stung much worse when the wind blew, and he could almost hear the voices that were silenced during the first Sozin's Comet…distant laughter of games long ended mingled with the screams of his fellow monks, who had done nothing to deserve their gruesome fate save for the fact that they were born at all.

**(A/N: Hey, kids! Suicidally depressed yet?)**

Aang had gone back to visit the temple once after the war had ended. Just once. He had gone alone with Appa and Momo (who were as much a part of the temple as he was and deserved to accompany him) with nothing more than the robes on his back and the special funeral incense that Zuko had given him as a gesture of remorse on behalf of the Fire Nation. At a glance it was a pittance, but Aang realized that the monks would have preferred a simple ceremony such as this; and as he watched the sticks burn and the scented smoke rising towards the moon, he could imagine that his prayers were being carried along and would reach the monks wherever they were now.

He did not return to the temple again. It was very clear that it was not the home he remembered. It was just a bone yard now, and he would leave the remains of his people untouched. They should be able to rest in peace.

This had left Aang in a greater dilemma than you would think. With the war over, all of his friends were returning back to their homes (that is to say, eventually; there was still a stinking pile of political bullshit to sift through and negotiate, all leading up to that fateful meeting with the Earth King last year…), and it was very apparent to the last Airbender that there simply wasn't a home for Aang to return _to_.

Oh, sure, he could always crash at the South Pole with Katara and Sokka…they _did _consider him an honorary member of their tribe. But the last time he had gone to visit Chief Hakoda and his fellow Water Tribers, they had tried to serve him seal blubber stew; and when he tried to explain his vegetarianism to the men of the tribe he was met with a bunch of blank stares.

Stares like the kind Aang had given Roku after the latter announced that he had a genocidal Fire Lord on booty-call and like to tape ice cube to his nipples.

Catching the hint, the monk had decided to go the hipster route; and declared that "homes" were too mainstream and not worth thinking about. He had confided this belief to Toph, who he thought would understand since she was much more used to flaunting her disregard for authority and rules. She was also in a similar boat as he was, especially with every new bounty hunter her well-intentioned parents sent to collect her and bring her home.

But she had just laughed in his face and set up her Metalbending Academy in Yu Dao. Apparently Toph Beifong had even less regard for hipsters than she did for the social elite.

So, really, Aang was _relieved_ when the Harmony Restoration Movement was drawn up. Not only would it help to restore balance to the world (which was kind of his job now) and right the wrongs done to his people a hundred years ago (or at least would give their spirits something interesting to watch), it was an excellent distraction. By pouring himself into the relocation preparations, he got to see new places he could never visit before because of the war. He got to spend more time with Katara and Sokka (but mostly Katara, whom he was much more fond of kissing at the end of the day). Most importantly, it gave him more time to figure out what the fuck he was going to do when everything had calmed down.

Oh, there would probably always be some sort of crisis to attend to. He _was _the Avatar. But that didn't mean that deep down he didn't need a place to unwind and recharge…perhaps a place he could settle down with Katara one day.

But all of _that _blew up in his face when the Harmony Restoration Movement came within an inch of escalating into an all-out _war_ with the Fire Nation. Thank you, Roku (you miserable old fuck).

It was only now as he climbed off the roof of the Jasmine Dragon—the same place he had gone to celebrate with his friends after the war had ended; the same place he had received his first official kiss with his girlfriend—that this was as much of a home as he was ever going to get. It was the place where he felt most secure, the place where things fell into place and made sense again. If that wasn't what home was then he was a hogmonkey's uncle.

And Aang wouldn't have had it any other way. It was the one thing he and Zuko had in common.

* * *

The Jasmine Dragon was warm and inviting, perhaps more so than usual. The last Airbender instantly felt a sense of peace and tranquility wash over him as he stepped over the threshold and caught the faint scent of chamomile in the air. It wasn't _just_ the aroma of perfect tea…it was the delicious smell of _sanity_; of common-sense; and most importantly, it was all of those things _and_ the smell of perfect tea.

Aang breathed in and let his muscles relax. The very first thing to fall under the gaze of his stormy grey eyes was a very sleep-tussled Zuko sitting at the table closest to the kitchen (with a fluffy green blanket draped over his shoulders, no less). It was such a drastic change from the flowy imperial cape and the golden-spiky helmet (which was so ostentatious it looked like it had been lifted out of Ozai's closet during the man's _Phoenix King_ episode) he found himself able to grin in relief.

Things were definitely back to normal. Especially the part where Iroh was force-feeding Zuko as much tea as he could cram down his throat in one sitting.

_I'm home…_

"Hey," he said. "How are you feeling?"

Zuko straightened up in his chair and grimaced. "Like I got trampled by a herd of stampeding kimodo rhinos. But…that's actually an improvement. So thanks."

Aang felt sheepish. "Yeah…sorry about that whole…_trying to kill you _thing. That can't have helped much."

The apology was waved off. "I was the one who made you promise. I was kind of asking for it. Anyway, it's okay now. Uncle's taking careof everything until I'm back on my feet again. From what I understand, he's been sending messenger hawks to General Mak to update him on my condition." Zuko gave the monk a tired, but happy smile. "I don't know what I would have done without him."

From the kitchen, Iroh grinned to himself before fiddling with a stack of menus someone had left on the counter. It was the absent-minded task with the sole purpose of looking as if you aren't eavesdropping really…except you are.

"Thank you for bringing him to me, Avatar," he said. "He really should have come earlier, on his own." Here, he shot Zuko a pointed look that made the young monarch stop smiling and shrink down under his blanket. Iroh held that look as his nephew took a defensive sip of his tea. "Sometimes he forgets that he always has a place here. He may be Fire Lord now, but he is still a _stubborn _boy."

Zuko grimaced and put down his still steaming cup. He pressed his knuckles against his eyes, as if he had a bad headache and was trying to shut out the sound of his uncle's voice.

"You all right?" Aang asked. "You look…sick."

"I feel like I've been asleep for a week."

"No," the monk replied lightly. "Just four days."

"Hm."

This was good. They were talking, sending back this light, easy conversation; as though the whole Yu Dao drama never happened. Aang sighed contentedly as he poured himself a cup of tea and took a long, appreciative sip. Why hadn't they been talking the whole time? This was effortless, this was…

Zuko was looking at Aang expectantly, and he realized that he actually _wanted _to hear about the situation in the Fire Colonies. Fuck.

Talking was always easier when they were talking about nothing.

Reluctantly, the young Avatar put down his cup of tea. "The Earth King agreed to talk," he said. "When you're ready, we'll meet him in Yu Dao. A small group of the city's residents are gonna join us, too."

Which was all well and good…except that the last peace summit Aang had to sit through was the bloodbath of a discussion regarding war reparations…particularly those that should be made by the Fire Nation. It had been long, excruciating, and thankless. All of the other world leaders and generals thought that Aang was letting the "ash makers" off easy, while in reality Zuko was getting shanked out of a crap-ton of money.

The thing about peace negotiations was that it sounded nice on paper, but when it came time to sit around and do the talking, no one ever walked away happy or satisfied. It always ended in more histrionics, hurt feelings, and emptied wallets…among other things.

Aang sensed Zuko's lack of enthusiasm and decided it would be best to get the unpleasant crap on the table as soon as possible. He threw him the ultimatum he knew he wouldn't like one bit. "Whatever happens, though, Yu Dao can't stay a Fire Nation colony."

But to his surprise, his Firebending teacher just nodded, like he knew this all along. Seriously? If he knew this then what had they even been fighting for? Aang frowned and scrutinized Zuko more closely, saw just how deep his worries ran just in how visibly exhausted he looked.

_He just wanted the colonies to be treated fairly. _More seething dislike for Roku in the wake of this realization. Zuko had never intended to fuck up the tentative peace the Harmony Restoration Movement provided for the two nations; he just realized belatedly that uprooting so many people would cause more harm than good.

And Roku _still _wanted to waste his ass. That old fucker.

Zuko slumped into an almost defeated position, looking so much like a sad panda that Aang immediately felt sorry for him. He knew exactly how thankless of a job it was to work for peace. But Zuko hadn't let the possibility of making people angry stop him from doing what he felt was right.

He had enough on his plate as it was. Aang decided then and there that he shouldn't…no, he _couldn't _drop the bomb on him that his own great-grandfather wanted to put him on ice. That would be cruel…unfair...in other words, it would be a real dick move.

Besides, what good would it do? They had already resolved everything. There was no need to rock the boat as far as Aang was concerned.

"It can't go back to being an Earth Kingdom city, either," the Fire Lord commented.

Aang smiled broadly, trying his upmost to radiate the message, _I agree, and I am not keeping anything from you because that would be wrong and amoral and dishonest and totally in your best interests right now!_

"I know," he said. "It has to be something new."

"But what?"

Aang shrugged. "That's why we need to meet."

After all, it was a new kind of world they were trying to build; one where different kinds of people could live together, to use their different cultures to build a thriving society, working as a team. Sure, there was an issue as to what exactly that would mean for the former Fire Colonies, but so long as Zuko was on the same page as he was, there shouldn't be any problems. And this time, Aang didn't have fucking Roku whispering sweet nothings of regicide in his ear.

Zuko looked down at his lap, lost in thought for a moment. After a pause, he looked up and locked gazes with the monk, grey eyes meeting gold.

"On the way to Yu Dao, I had a dream," he said.

Well that was nice. Dreams could be kind of awesome. Once, Aang had a dream that he had shamed the former Fire Lord by pointing out that he wasn't wearing any pants. Another time, Appa and Momo had a samurai battle being cheered on by a flock of koala-sheep.

_I have GOT to lay off the drugs,_ Aang reminded himself. Considering what things he hallucinated out of sleep deprivation, he could only imagine what crazy shit he'd start seeing if he tried LSD.

"You and I faced off against each other on a mountaintop," Zuko continued. "Wind and rain and lightning raged all around us. Behind me was Ozai, and behind you—"

Oh, fuck. _THAT _dream.

"—Roku," Aang continued, feeling his heart sinking in dread. "And below us, the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation armies battled each other. I think I had the same dream."

And if it _was_ same dream, the one where Roku was happily encouraging him to kill Zuko _right in front of him_, then it was going to be _pretty fucking difficult_ to keep the man's homidical tendencies a secret. Aang wracked his brain frantically, but couldn't see any way of fixing this. Hopefully, though, this meant that Zuko already knew the truth and was taking it rather well. Unexpectedly well, in fact.

Or, he just was too sleepy to think about what it all meant. Come to think of it, Aang wasn't a hundred-percent sure that the Fire Lord even noticed Roku was there half the time.

"In yours," Zuko spoke up. "Did you…end me?"

Aang's shoulders slumped dejectedly. He was deeply ashamed for having taken anything the senile fucker had to say _seriously_. "Yes."

There it was. It was all on the table. The unfortunate, depressing truth of the matter. Roku had snapped his fingers, told him to be a good little Avatar and kill the nice Fire Lord, and he…_he _had actually listened. Though to be fair, it wasn't really Roku's prodding that had done it; it was more to do with how Zuko had spread his arms, painting an invisible target sign on his chest, and had been all, _Come at me, bro!_ Almost like he wanted him to…

…wait…

…_wait_…

…oh, bleeding fucking monkey feathers on a pile of dead hookers. It was so much worse than Aang thought.

Zuko closed his eyes, and the monk felt his heartbeat speed up in alarm. _Okay_, he thought frantically. _Calm down. I'm sure it's not what I think it means. Zuko was just…um…thinking about the good of the world. I'm sure he didn't ACTUALLY want me to kill him. Look how happy he is right now!_

Actually, the Fire Lord looked as if he had a bad stomachache on top of a migraine sprinkled with powdered sugar and _despair_. But…um…hey, look! He was drinking tea! Zuko _liked _tea! That had to mean he was feeling good about life…right? Or at least okay with it…right? RIGHT?

"You know what I felt, just as you did that…" Zuko said slowly as he removed the fluffy green blanket from his shoulders, draping it over the back of his chair. He still would not meet Aang's gaze. "…right before I woke up?"

As many funky, supernatural things the Avatar was capable of, mind-reading wasn't one of them. So no, Aang didn't know what Zuko had felt…but he could take a wild guess that he would be willing to bet a lot of money on. Betrayal? Fear? Loneliness? Anger? Any one of those would have been vying for the right to be his first guess.

"Zuko," Aang interrupted, feeling a dire need to explain himself. "…I—"

"Relief."

Note to self: Don't go gambling.

The monk sat there, slack-jawed as his friend finally looked him in the eyes. There was so much sincerity and determination blazing in his expression that Aang couldn't help but believe that he had meant what he said. Spirits, he _meant_ it. He was_ relieved_ to find himself on the receiving end of some potentially fatal Avatar whoop-ass. Hell, he had stood there and said, "Go ahead, Aang! Do it!"

He couldn't deny the truth anymore. _I think….there might be a slight chance…that Zuko could be having suicidal thoughts._

You think?

Better question: _What do I do? Oh, Spirits, what the holy fuck do I do? _You find out that a friend wants to die. Where do you go from there? Was Aang supposed to improvise some sort of intervention? Scream for Iroh so that a more capable adult could handle this? Or sit there and listen to Zuko ramble on and on, praying that this was all some dark, horrible misunderstanding?

Prone to wishy-washiness, he settled for the latter.

"I was wrong to ask you for that promise, Aang," Zuko told him, sounding repentant enough to give the boy a glimmer of hope. "I've struggled for so long to do what's right—to even _know _what's right. Then, when the war ended, I thought the struggle had finally ended, too. I thought I finally won for _good_."

Okay…this was probably leading somewhere positive. Sure, this was absolutely reeking of an afterthought such as, _but I thought WRONG!_ However, as Aang fumbled for a silver lining in this monologue, he realized that technically speaking, the fact that Zuko was continuing to struggle at all was a good sign…maybe. It could mean that he intended to _keep _struggling.

"A visit to Ozai in prison changed that," the Fire Lord admitted. "I realized the struggle was actually just _beginning_. I didn't think I could handle it, so I asked for your help. But…" his expression twisted in remorse. "…asking you to end me if I went bad—that was like asking you to figure out right and wrong _for _me." He looked away in shame. "I didn't just want you as my safety net. I wanted you as my escape hatch."

Good. Admitting he was having a problem was supposed to be the first step to healing. He clearly realized he had done something wrong. Suicide wasn't the answer. This was going well, and Aang didn't even have to lift a finger. Maybe he should become a therapist…he was clearly _amazing_ at it.

Oh, he would _so _rub it into Sokka's face later. Dr. Wang Fire could kiss his talented monk ass.

"I can't put that on you," Zuko continued, oblivious to Aang's silent gloating. "I understand that now. The struggle isn't something a Fire Lord can escape." He met the Avatar's gaze, looking solemn. "I'm sorry, Aang."

Yes! Finally! Someone was admitting _to his face_ that making that promise had been a _fucked up _decision on both their parts! Everyone, literally everyone, had just stood there _encouraging _him to go through with it. It was so, so delicious to hear that he had been perfectly justified in his _hesitation_. Everyone else had been so fucking wrong and he had been right. Ha-fucking-ha!

The mirth was short lived as Aang realized suddenly that he'd have done better if he had caught on to Zuko's suicidal tendencies then-and-there and gotten him help…which probably would have averted the entire Yu Dao crisis…maybe.

Okay, so maybe Roku wasn't the only asshole in the room. But at least Aang was willing to own up to his mistakes. At least he could admit it out loud.

Well, whatever. It had all worked out. There had been no war, no casualties, minimal property damage, and best of all, Zuko was still alive. And he very clearly didn't want to kill himself anymore. He had realized on his own that death would not solve all of his problems. Aang was proud of Zuko.

He grinned. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Zuko. Deep down, you've always known what's right. I mean, you were right about Yu Dao," he added pointedly.

Zuko smiled to himself. "Yeah. I guess I was."

See? Look how happy he was. Everything had to have been fine, now. Aang almost felt silly for worrying in the first place. It was obvious his Firebending teacher was made of much sterner stuff than most people.

Still…he should probably make sure. Just in case.

"…so," Aang spoke up, squirming awkwardly in his seat. _This _was going to be phrased interestingly. "When you fell into the chasm I created…did you feel…_relief_…then, too?"

Zuko gave him a funny look. "No," he said in a startled tone of voice; as if the question was too absurd to even contemplate.

Which was good. Aang didn't need the Fire Lord throwing himself off any cliffs trying to recreate the warm, fuzzy feeling. Everything was going to be _just_…_fine_.

"As soon as my foot slipped, I knew you wouldn't let me die," he clarified.

The monk was nodding along happily until he realized that something was _wrong_ with what Zuko had just said. He paused, replaying that statement in his head, over and over again until it suddenly _clicked_. He _wasn't_ relieved…because he _knew_ that Aang wouldn't let him die…

…wait a minute…

Aw, fuck.

* * *

Maybe _this _was the reason people liked to say "you can't go home again." The Jasmine Dragon suddenly seemed bleak and depressing…though that could have been because Aang's tea was starting to get cold.

* * *

Lucky for Aang, the concept of "home" in its abstraction was already familiar to him. Having spent most of his young life raised by a nomadic race of Airbenders, he was already comfortable with traveling from place to place and embracing the winds of change…to a point (he _had _thrown that huge hissy fit back at the Northern Air Temple, after all). So he knew already that "home" was not merely a house with things in it. It was wherever one felt most secure and at peace.

In other words, "home" wasn't a place at all. It was a feeling. And for Aang, it would always be with the people he loved. Including Zuko (though not quite _like that_, so get your minds out of the gutter). Too bad this philosophy was starting to bite him in the ass as he found himself gradually losing more and more faith in humanity. His outlook on life was growing more bleak as people would continue to cause problems for him and disappoint him. People like Roku, among others who would remain nameless…

…for now.

Still, it was very scary when Aang had realized that everyone would be splitting up. What was he supposed to do when he was left all alone? He was the Last Airbender, and it was starting to sink in just what that meant for him. It was a lonely and frightening position to be in.

Eventually Aang would learn that being the Avatar would open up more doors than usual, which was an excellent opportunity to try new things and make new friends. His "family" grew with every passing day. The world was full of love and security, and the fact that everyone was going their separate ways after the war in no way meant that his "home" was falling apart. One day he would understand that separation is merely an illusion; that the love he felt for his friends (and even for the monks) would always remain within him wherever he went, no matter what he was doing.

It was another unfortunate truth that "one day" was not today. Today, he had sat down to meditate, thinking that the whole Promise fiasco was done and behind him…only to have Roku pop up like a disgruntled jack in the box and poke him with the "Kill-Zuko" stick. Tired and frustrated, he had cut ties to a very dysfunctional relationship with his past-life, vowing never to tell Zuko just how fucked up his family truly was…

…only to find out that it wouldn't have made any difference. Chances were that if they had the same dream about Roku and Ozai, it meant Zuko already knew his great-grandfather was out for his blood…which might explain why he was suicidal to begin with.

No, wait. Zuko had forced that promise on Aang _before _Roku decided to open his fucking mouth. Great, now things were even more confusing.

In a way, Aang's wish had come true. He now had another full-blown (if secret) crisis to deal with. So much for the nice, secure feeling of "home" he thought he had stumbled into when he followed Iroh into the teashop. Though at least now he had something to keep himself busy until the time came again to contemplate what he was going to do with himself after all of this was finally over.

Now what to do about Zuko? He couldn't just let things fester like this. He had to intervene somehow, to prevent the inevitable. As apparently shameful as this was (though Aang wasn't quite catching the logic of _why _it was so shameful), he didn't want his friend to kill himself. Perhaps it was just another symptom of his unwillingness to deal with separation in his life.

Perhaps. But it didn't matter. Aang would personally see to it that Zuko lived to a ripe old age of where-did-I-leave-my-prune-juice. He would do this because…

"Because I'm a flawed Avatar," he said to himself, staring broodingly into his cooling tea.

There was an awkward pause, during which Zuko was blinking at the monk in confusion. Eventually, when it became clear that Aang wasn't going to elaborate on that cryptic statement, the Fire Lord cleared his throat. He was starting to worry that he had somehow offended the younger boy.

"Don't get me wrong," he said quickly. "I'm grateful that you—"

But Aang cut him off, knowing instinctively that the stillborn end to that sentence would have been a flat-out lie. And he had been fed enough bullshit by Roku over the past week to last him a lifetime.

"Roku told me you're his great-grandson," he prompted automatically.

"That's true," Zuko replied casually, though one could hear the unasked question of where the monk was going with all of this.

_Oh, perfect, Aang, _he berated himself. _Go ahead and hand the suicidally depressed guy a dangling noose_. But it had been the first thing that had jumped into his head when he was flipping around for a change in subject. _Quick…make it better. Make it better!_

_Lie through your teeth._

"Since Roku's my past life," he floundered, averting his gaze and wracking his brain for some sort of cue. "…in a way you're my _family, _Zuko." Good. Keep going. "And no matter how hard I've tried, I've never been able to detach myself from those sorts of bonds."

_Great-grandpa loves you, Zuko. Fluffy kitten-squirrels in basket. _

"It's a flaw, I know," he added unconvincingly. "But it's one I've decided to accept. For this life, at least."

Zuko just looked deeply saddened. "You're not the one who's flawed, Aang."

Oh, did he ever know it. Aang suppressed a shudder as he thought about the ice cubes, and the unique Waterbending technique Roku had tried to teach him during that infamous Spirit World orgy. If it was true that every Avatar needed a fatal flaw, Aang would take his attachments over an ice fetish any day.

But the monk's thoughts were mercifully diverted when he heard Zuko sigh forlornly. "Why can't the struggle get easier for me? Even just a little?" He now had the Aang's full attention as he lowered his gaze despondently into his empty tea cup. "Sometimes, I wonder how long I'll last."

Oh, bloody hell.

Then, abruptly, the clouds lifted from his expression. "You know," Zuko added, looking almost _cheerful_ as he changed the subject. "In that dream, a woman stood with us on that mountaintop, watching from the shadows. I think she was _my mother_."

Aang blinked. Well, this was…interesting.

"Sometimes," Iroh spoke up, lifting the curtain that separated the dining area from the kitchen as he stepped into the room. "Dreams are the way a person's spirit reveals the answer to his own problems." He grinned. "But then again, sometimes they are just the result of eating spicy food before going to bed."

For the record, Aang knew where the retired general was going with that. _Roku doesn't actually want you dead, it was all just a cur-raaaaaaaazy dream_. However, Zuko's brain was apparently still churning through the first half of what his uncle had said, and was honing in on the word _solution_ in particular.

It was a kernel of false hope.

"Maybe," said the Fire Lord slowly. "…finding my mother would connect me to a part of my heritage that isn't so murky and confusing." He looked up at Aang, a radiant smile on his face. "Maybe then I'd finally find _peace_."

Oh, Spirits, no.

Aang seriously had to stare at him now. "You mean _Roku's _bloodline?" he said incredulously, folding his arms against his chest and frowning deeply. _Does he not remember how Roku was egging me on during that dream? Does this guy have a selective memory or something? _

As a friend, he could not in good conscience allow Zuko to continue down this line of thinking.

"I don't know…"

But Zuko was long gone. Aang could only watch as the young monarch continued to peter off into the distance, where inevitably a dark cliff was waiting to swallow him. It was only a matter of time before he realized that the peace he was seeking would never be found.

And then they'd _really _have a problem on their hands.

"I never told either of you this, but right after I became Fire Lord, I sent out search party after search party looking for her. I even hired June and her shirshu. They all came back empty handed." He gestured hopelessly. "What can I do that I haven't already tried?"

This was good. Zuko was about to give up this ridiculous idea and then Aang was sure that he'd…um…completely lose hope all together.

Huh. On second thought, maybe it was better to give Zuko something to distract himself with. After all, Aang knew from experience that distractions worked miracles when it came to tough issues. He himself had been using the Harmony Restoration Movement as a distraction, hadn't he?

Sure, it ended up stressing him out even more than he already was, but…well…it had all worked out in the end. Maybe giving Zuko a project would have similar results.

Results. Now _that _was something Aang could get behind. Which is probably why he chimed in with…

"It's a new world, Zuko. You need to take some new risks." He smiled a little wider than was necessary, reminding himself through clenched teeth. "We _all _do."

Please, please don't let this be a mistake. Aang had made enough of those already. And while we're on the subject of mistakes waiting to happen…

"Speaking of risks," said Iroh suddenly, producing a tea-tray out of no-where laden with two tall glasses of…something. "…why don't you two try this brand-new beverage I invented?"

Before either of them could answer, the two cups were placed in front of them, directly in their lines of sight. Aang and Zuko blinked at the amber liquid, the black bead-like residue at the bottom, and the large, tube-like straws protruding from the glasses. It certainly looked…um…_original_.

"First," said Iroh enthusiastically. "I cook balls of tapioca until they're soft and tender. Then I put them in tea, where they sit like little pearl-sized snacks at the bottom of each cup! Add a little milk and—ta da!—a revolution in tea is born!"

Not wanting to back down from his new resolve to embrace new ventures, Aang took a long, slow sip. Before he could quite fathom the tapioca balls and their odd texture, he could hear the sound of the Fire Lord frantically spewing the contents of his beverage out of his mouth in disgust…which, as one might guess, ruined the experience for Aang.

"_What is that trying to sneak into my mouth?!_" Zuko gasped, looking horrified.

The young Avatar fumbled for something slightly less…insulting. But Spirits, he hoped this wasn't what was going to happen every single time he took a risk or decided to roll the dice.

"I've never had tea that's quite so…_chewy_."

Nonetheless, Iroh seemed crushed. "I am a man ahead of my time," he said sadly, clutching the tea tray to his chest.

* * *

**A/N: This story is really proving to be a challenge. The main theme of the fic is that there is no member of Zuko's family that can be considered "normal." The search that Zuko now plans on undertaking to find his mother is going to bring up a lot of skeletons in Zuko's family tree, some funny, some kind of fucked up, and others that just make you cringe.**

**Unfortunately, this chapter I didn't really get to go into any specific family member in particular. I felt as if I was just rehashing the old Roku jokes, and I didn't even manage to fit Sozin anywhere into this. However, I needed to set-up the premise of the fic, i.e. the search that is doomed to failure (in Aang's uncharacteristically pessimistic eyes). I know Aang himself seems out of character, but I was trying to put the spin on it where he becomes this hardened, jaded character because motherfucking Roku.**

**As for Zuko, I'm seriously starting to wonder why (as I flip through The Promise Part One) the Gaang didn't all turn their heads towards him as he was going on about how Aang should "end him****"**** and force an immediate intervention for his blatantly suicidal thoughts. I mean, it was almost as if the writers were trying to push the moral that if a very good friend asks you to help them kill himself, you're supposed to keep your promise.**

**Obviously, I had to fumble for the humor here because I realize that suicide is no laughing matter or a joke. However, I felt that this issue made itself extremely prominent during this conversation in particular (which is CANON in the Promise comics, and Bryke endorses it, which means it's probably canon for the Avatar-verse). And I couldn't **_**not **_**write a chapter for this little discussion since it sets up the plot point that Zuko goes to look for his mother. **

**All I could do was have Aang come to the sudden, almost comical realization that his friend was (and probably still is) in a very bad head place. But he only reaches this conclusion a year or more later, after Zuko announced to the group, "I'm asking you as a friend…if you see me go bad, end me." Oh, well. At least he got there eventually. **

**I should also point out that Zuko does not, in fact, want to kill himself. It just looks and sounds that way because the guy has his negative thinking patterns deeply ingrained. To someone like Aang, who used to be something of a perpetual optimist (at least before **_**my **_**fic happened), hearing things like, "I don't know how long I'll last…" or "I wasn't relieved because I knew you wouldn't let me die," naturally freaks him out.**

**Iroh, who is in the background listening as he makes tea, is used to Zuko's gloom and doom and doesn't bat an eye. But he will when Aang comes to him for some advice about how to deal with a friend who is suicidal. And then the two will make each other more paranoid and it will all come back to bite poor, oblivious Zuko in the butt.**

**So, yeah. I'm sorry if you guys think it's a heavy theme for this fic, but it also will set up the sub-plot where Aang feels a frantic need to monitor Zuko during the course of his search, perhaps feeling the need to cover up some family secrets that get uncovered along the way, all in the name of preserving the Fire Lord's sanity. And by the end of this fic, Roku will actually have to get in line of all the people Aang is going to have **_**deep issues **_**with.**

**I promise things will get funnier after this. Just, you know…**_**plot**_**. I'm not good at drabble-fics, so that means I have to work with continuity and canon source materials to draw inspiration from. And a fun fact: This entire conversation is written down word for word from the Promise comics. The only thing I added was the thoughts and narration, putting a new spin on a seemingly innocent scene.**

**So…what did you guys think? REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've been really terrible about updating lately. Yikes…time goes by faster than season one Zuko when confronted with a box of Captain Crunch (it's an obscure Avatar Abridged reference, guys). Wasn't it Thanksgiving yesterday?**

**Whatever. It's well into December now. In fact, it's less than a week away from Christmas (oh, dear God…I have to endure holiday cheer and goodwill towards men?! Again?)! I suppose I should be careful not to blink or it'll be summer. Not that I would miss the cold or anything…**

**Anyway, I figure I have **_**some **_**leeway to take my time with this fic since Part One of The Search doesn't come out for another three months at least. I've got some time to flesh this puppy out some more. (I know, excuses, excuses) I'm going to get as much pre-comic exposition done as I possibly can before I have something concrete to work with.**

**I **_**do **_**want to keep this fic as canon as possible. It drives me up a way when I start writing something only to have new canon material that contradicts what I've written. I'm like, "NO! My fanfics are WORTHLESS now!" Which, by the way, is a very upsetting thing when you've spent a lot of time and effort weaving a plot together.**

**I'm just rambling now, guys. I'll cut it off here and let you read what you actually came here for: the next chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

"**Tradition"**

There is a direct correlation between the sheer inexplicability of a trend of behavior and the effort required to break the habit. In other words, the harder it is to explain _why _something is a tradition, the harder people will fight to keep said tradition alive. There is no logic behind it; just a firm belief that what was true a hundred or so years ago will hold true today.

Tradition doesn't account for change. Tradition doesn't account for a century spent napping in an iceberg while an entire world became engulfed in the flames of war.

Traditions simply are. That's it, end of story, have a nice day.

Obviously, though, the world changes whether we want it to or not. And as a person living in said world, we have one of two choices to make. We can either resist it to our dying breath, swimming against a monstrous current that will _not _yield…or we can swim with it. To let the raging river bring us to where we were meant to be all along…to the spot on the riverbank where mankind was naturally progressing.

Unfortunately, people will argue about what "natural progress" entails. The Fire Nation (even to the last battle) believed they were bringing progress, unity, and prosperity to the world that hated and feared them. In reality, all they brought was destruction.

The Earth King had chosen the opposite route. Instead of embracing change to the extreme, he had embraced tradition; so much so that he had let Long-Feng, his then-Minister of Culture, silver-tongue his way to a back-seat of the throne. Under the promise of safeguarding the cherished traditions of the Earth Kingdom, he allowed sweet lies to pour into his ear while innocent civilians were being plucked off the streets, broken, brainwashed, tortured, and ultimately killed (and those were the lucky ones) just for allowing the word "war" pass their lips.

And even afterwards, the situation in Yu Dao would have ended in bloodshed as Kuei sought to protect the "traditional" way of doing things. The mixed colony would have been eliminated, families torn apart, and neighbors forcefully divided had he not been forced to look at the people who would live with his decisions.

Even then, change can be a difficult thing to accept. Kuei had to see with his own eyes to truly understand what was at stake. And for that matter, so had Aang.

Because in the end…hadn't he been listening to Roku just as the Earth King had listened to Long Feng?

* * *

The sky was clear and the scene absolutely idyllic as the Avatar and his girlfriend relaxed on a peaceful, hilly grassland somewhere outside of Ba Sing Se. They had just finished addressing the dozen or so girls who were now former members of the Avatar Aang fan club; now, those same girls could be seen descending the hill and heading back towards the city, chatting amongst themselves in excitement. As well they should; they would get the honor of becoming the very first Air Acolytes in a hundred or more years.

The sun was beating down its warmth not as oppressively as one might expect given that it was just a year after Sozin's Comet. Appa dozed contentedly with Momo curled up on his head, both too lazy and comfortable to do anything besides sleep. You would think that this kind of setting would leave Aang feeling content or at least calm.

Instead, all he could picture was Zuko weeping in front of a portrait of Avatar Roku and putting a noose around his neck. All while everyone else was giving him the thumbs up of approval.

"Things were so much simpler a hundred years ago," he muttered.

Katara looked up from her book. She was currently reading an old set of texts she had borrowed from a library in Ba-Sing-Se as part of her self-imposed curriculum to become a better healer. It became glaringly apparent that combative Waterbending would only take her so far career-wise now that the world was at peace. At least if she could heal she could still help people in need—and it turned out to be much more fascinating than she gave it credit for.

This book in particular was about mental illnesses, and she had just been thumbing through a very detailed chapter about depression. But hearing Aang sigh distracted her.

"You okay?"

Her boyfriend just shrugged. "I guess…yeah."

Katara frowned. "You don't sound okay." She put her book down and went over to him. He was sitting under a tree in a nice meadow outside of the city, looking unusually _down _in spite of the beautiful weather. She curled up next to him and looked him in the eyes. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

Aang shook his head. "Well…" he trailed off uncertainly.

Normally, their relationship was an open well of communication and trust. He could look into Katara's deep blue eyes and open up to her in ways he definitely couldn't with anyone else. She had been there for him all this time when he was finding his place as the Avatar. It had been her arms he had woken up in back in the iceberg, _her _arms that held him whenever he felt like he was about to drown in his responsibilities. She was the one who kept him human, kept him on solid ground. She was his deepest attachment, one he would sooner give up his right arm than to let go of.

He loved her. He always had and he always would.

But for some reason the words, _I think Zuko wants to kill himself_ stuck in his throat. How could he even begin to explain all the things that were wrong just when things were starting to go right again? How could he just drag her back into a murky pond of stagnant, tainted issues that he barely knew how to handle? Hadn't she had enough to deal with when the future of their relationship had been as uncertain as the future of Yu Dao?

And Aang hadn't even noticed how conflicted she had felt all this time. He still hadn't adequately apologized for that. He couldn't very well just go up to her _now_ and say, "Hey, Sweetie, guess what? I'm the reincarnation of Roku, the ice-cube fondling weirdo…oh, and Zuko is probably going to kill himself one day."

The last thing he needed was for Katara to think he was going off the deep end. So he just forced a smile on his face and said, "I guess I'm just nervous about what I'm trying to do…you know, with the Avatar Aang fan club…I mean, the Air Acolytes."

She frowned. "But you're so good at teaching. You did great at explaining what would be expected of them if they wanted to devote themselves to the Air Nomad heritage. Even the Ba Sing Se chapter seemed to understand what you meant by rigorous training and study…"

He looked down at his lap. "Okay."

The Waterbender looked at him for a moment. "That's not what's bothering you, is it? You still have doubts about preserving your culture?"

Aang began to knead his eyes with his knuckles, stressed at the very thought. "All I know," he said slowly. "…is that every time an Avatar implements some kind of change or creates any kind of legacy…it always…_always _ends up coming back to bite the next generation. Like Avatar Kyoshi and the Dai Li…or Avatar Roku and the frozen nipple clamps…"

"What?"

With a jolt, the monk realized what he had just said. "Nothing!" he replied quickly. "Just…you know…random thoughts. Don't pay any attention to them."

Katara looked skeptical, but decided to just nod and smile. "So…what you meant to say was that you're worried that teaching these girls the ways of the Air Nomads will do more harm than good in the long run?"

Aang shrugged again. He wasn't in a very talkative mood.

"Oh, Sweetie," she said softly. She put her arms around him and pulled him close to her, trying to comfort him. "It won't be that way. This will be different."

Katara waited for his muscles to relax, for him to melt in her embrace like he always did. But today he was too absorbed in his worries to notice her. She rubbed circles in his back and felt how tense his back muscles were. He actually felt a little cool to the touch, which worried her a little on a subconscious level. It vaguely reminded her of how his body had felt back in the crystal catacombs, when Azula had shot him full of lightning.

His response was flat. "How can you be sure that things won't go wrong?"

She paused, disconcerted. "I believe in you, Aang. I've always believed in you…and I always will. That'll never change." She started to feel him loosen up a bit, finally. "Besides, the worst part is over now. Yu Dao should be fine until Zuko and King Kuei are able to come to some sort of agreement. As long as everyone _talks_, it should be fine."

"Talking," Aang muttered. "I suppose that's fine…though there are some things people just don't want to hear."

"Like what?"

The young Avatar closed his eyes, trying to suppress some memories of a certain Spirit World orgy before he could accidentally let any detail slip to Katara. "I just meant that sometimes people aren't as…_understanding _of other people's opinions. Sometimes people get so fixed on one way of doing things that they aren't willing to listen to what anyone else has to say."

"I think King Kuei seemed a lot more willing to listen once he had seen Yu Dao with his own eyes," she pointed out. "And Zuko's always tried to be fair so long as the Fire Nation was being treated the same."

She expected him to smile a little…or to show some sign that he had heard her. But his grey eyes seemed closed off and distant. It took the smile off her face faster than a can of paint thinner thrown against the Mona Lisa.

Of course, she had no idea what he was thinking. _I wasn't talking about Zuko or the Earth King…_

"Aang," she said. "Please…don't shut me out. Tell me what's wrong." He didn't say anything for a minute and this worried her even more. "I haven't seen you acting like this since Appa went missing…_talk_ to me…"

"We are talking," he said a little sharply. "And everything is great. Just…forget I said anything. You're right, anyway. It's stupid for me to worry about this." He looked down the hill and watched the last of the Air Acolytes disappear through the outer walls of the impenetrable city. "Either way, sitting here and doing nothing isn't going to change the fact that I'm the last Airbender. Eventually I'll get old and die. I can't just keep the Air Nomad traditions to myself…otherwise I'll end up taking them to the grave."

"I never said it was stupid to worry. Your feelings always matter…okay?"

He just shrugged again.

"_Aang…_"

The monk finally broke and met her gaze. There was no way he'd keep up being aloof when his girlfriend used _that _voice…the one that meant she was on the end of her patience. And as guilt-ridden and stressed out as he was at the moment, Aang very much wanted to live.

The irony of that statement will ring bells in a few moments, readers.

"I'm not worried about Zuko or King Kuei…or anyone else trying to do the right thing. I'm worried about _myself_." He saw her blue eyes soften. "Lately I feel as if I've been…blind to everything around me. Things that should have been obvious…from the very beginning, even!"

Katara covered his hand with her own. "You mean…with the situation at Yu Dao…?"

The unspoken meaning was this: _You mean the fact that people of different races can coexist in a harmonious relationship without trying to slaughter each other?_

Aang, of course, was on a completely different track. Unbeknownst to the lovely Waterbender, he had fallen back into his metaphorical Zuko-related worry groove in his mental sofa cushion. Not that he felt much better about coming so close to killing whatever chances they had at marriage, either. However, given the fact that neither his relationship with Katara nor the Water Triber herself were in mortal peril at the moment, he had no choice but to remain fixated on the one member of his "family" who _was._

"Exactly," he said heatedly. "I mean…I know I'm the last Airbender. I know I'm the Avatar. But really, I just…I feel like I've been failing at both of those things. Who am I to be teaching the ways of my people to the world, when I can't even figure out when promises should be…not _broken, _exactly_, _but…never made? I was such an idiot to agree to kill Zuko like that! I mean, what kind of person just _agrees _to something like that?"

"You're being too hard on yourself," she interjected. "Aang, you and Zuko were both just trying to do what you felt was right…not for yourselves, but for the world."

"And that's just it, Katara. I haven't been thinking about the world. The only person I've been thinking about is myself and what _I _want and what _I _need. Even now with the cease fire in effect, there's so much political tension between the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation…and all I can worry about is _my _outdated heritage…"

As much as Katara didn't like to hear Aang talking like this, she forced herself to listen…to really listen. It was what her book reiterated in every single chapter—to listen as hard as you could, to not force your own preconceived notions into a diagnosis. Some symptoms speak softer than others, after all.

And there was definitely something very wrong with her boyfriend.

Katara had always thought Aang was resilient and brave to shoulder the loss of his people during such a crisis as the Hundred Years War. His world had literally changed in the blink of an eye (if you don't count the century spent frozen in ice). But seeing his flip-flopping reactions to the fan-club's interpretation of his culture, from nostalgia to grief to downright anger…it made her realize that he hadn't really dealt with his loss. So long as Ozai had been on the throne, he hadn't had the chance to.

Katara wondered if she had been too quick to assume that Aang had been fine…_really _fine…after finding Monk Gyatso's skeleton back at the Southern Air Temple. That was something she knew would haunt him for the rest of his life…but there was nothing she could possibly say to make that better.

Still, those moments she had suspected…she should have _said _something…_done _something to get him to open up to her. But instead she had let him put these feelings on a shelf until the war ended, and now they were festering inside of him. It was aging him before her eyes.

"I mean, I know that things change…and I understand why they _have _to…but Spirits damn it, Katara! Back in my day, if someone started dropping blatant hints that he wanted to _die_…that he wanted to kill himself…someone…_anyone _would have tried to stop him!"

That got her attention like a slap in the face.

"Wait a minute," she said shakily. "W-what are you saying, Aang?"

Her voice lacked its normal conviction and strength, mostly because she felt as if she had been sucker-punched. Tui and La, she knew that her boyfriend had some unresolved issues to work with…and maybe he was even dealing with some sort of undiagnosed depression (come to think of it, Katara had just read a chapter about it in her textbook)…but what on earth was he doing, talking about suicide?

Suddenly, she didn't want Aang teaching anyone anything. She wanted to drape a blanket over his shoulders and force-feed him his favorite meal until he was himself again.

But at the moment, she was kind of frozen. Aang, being too absorbed in his fear that Zuko would kill himself, unwittingly made his girlfriend think that _he _was the suicidal one. And what's more, he didn't even notice.

He just let out a frustrated sigh. "Sometimes I just think that it would have been better for everyone if I _hadn't _been frozen in that iceberg. Maybe then the world would have an Avatar that wasn't so _flawed_…or at least one who knew what he was _doing_…"

Katara's jaw dropped even wider in her horror.

"Oh, wow," said Aang suddenly, looking up at the sky for the first time in hours. "I didn't realize we stayed here for so long! We need to go back to the Jasmine Dragon right now!"

She blinked at him. She had finally found her voice again, but now she was sidetracked by this unexpected declaration…and the inexplicable fervency behind it.

"What's the rush?" she asked. "I thought you wanted to get away from the city and the stress. You said you needed to _relax_," she added pointedly.

But Aang wasn't taking the bait.

"There's no time for that," he said. "Anyway, how can I relax? I should have been back hours ago…but the girls had so many questions, and I just lost track of everything while I was talking to you. I'm sorry, Sweetie, but we need to leave right now."

"I don't think you should be rushing around _anywhere_," Katara snapped, her anxiety getting the better of her and putting an edge in her voice. "We haven't done _enough _talking! Spirits, Aang…how long have you felt like this? Why didn't you _tell _me before?"

"Tell you what?"

She gave him the most incredulous look. "About the suicide!"

Now, this is where the misunderstanding began to boil over like a pot of scalding water.

Aang blinked at her in astonishment. Actually, to be more accurate, he almost fell off of Appa's back, but grabbed on to one of his trusty bison's horns just in time. Because how on earth had Katara managed to pluck that secret from his brain? He hadn't told anybody about Zuko's "problem" just yet; not even Iroh.

Hell, the only reason he hadn't told Iroh yet was because he hadn't been able to get him alone long enough to do it. Somehow after being fed Bubble Tea, while Zuko was talking his ear off about his mother and how _vital _finding her would be to his future mental health (no pressure, Aang), the Dragon of the West had somehow _slipped away _to attend a secret, weirdly urgent meeting of the Order of the White Lotus.

And Aang hadn't seen the man since.

Still, the issue remained: How did Katara know? Or perhaps a better question would be, _why _did she suddenly know about Zuko's suicidal tendencies when Aang was trying to keep it a secret (for now)? Why now? Why not earlier, when Zuko was making him promise to kill him if he "went bad?"

And it wasn't like she didn't _hear _him. She had looked Aang dead in the eye and _nodded_ while Zuko was saying things like, "As your friend, I'm asking you—if you ever see me go bad, end me. _Promise me_, Aang." As if it was the only right thing to do in that situation.

So what gives?

"What do you mean?" Aang replied in understandable confusion. "I thought it was obvious…I mean, Zuko must have mentioned it a hundred times already."

Now Katara was the one blind sighted, reeling at this unexpected confession. Zuko? _Zuko _had _known _that Aang was depressed? He had _known _that Aang wished he hadn't woken up from the iceberg? That Aang wanted to _die_? How? Since when?

She was going to kill him. KILL him.

"Aang, I think I would have remembered something like that," she said in a tense voice. "Look, if this is some kind of joke…it isn't funny."

"But you were there," he said, flustered. Then, seeing the distress on his girlfriend's face, he hastily backtracked. "But it's not your fault! I mean, _everyone_ should have realized…but no one ever did…that time on Appa's saddle…and in Yu Dao…and…hell, even before the war ended. I know it's a shock, but the truth is that you're not the only one realizing this now, Sweetie…"

"_Don't you Sweetie me!"_ Katara snarled.

Aang shrank back in visible terror, his grey eyes wide and alarmed.

"K-Katara," he stammered. "Look, I know things _seem _really bad right now…and believe me, I _know _things are bad, I _know! _But I'm going to fix it! Really! Avatar's honor! That's why I need to get back to the Jasmine Dragon as soon as possible…so I can get Iroh to help me…and I think if I talk to him I can figure out how to…well…make it better…"

He decided it would be better for him to take his ass-kicking like a man (since apparently he was due for one judging by the way Katara was fingering the lip of her water skin pouch) and dutifully slid off of Appa's saddle to stand before her. He tensed and waited for his girlfriend's wrath.

But the Waterbender's murderous stare eroded away into a smaller, more frightened and uncertain expression. She looked like she was having a crisis, and Aang felt terrible about it. This definitely wasn't the way he wanted to tell her about Zuko. But it was too late; the damage was done. All he could do was reassure her that things would be fine, that they'd get through this, that he wouldn't do anything hasty and that as soon as possible he would get some _help_.

Katara was actually quite adamant that Aang promised her that.

"I mean it," she said. "I want you to talk to Iroh. He'll know how to help you, Aang. And I'll go to back to the library and read every book on depression I can find. I want to be here for you…every step of the way, okay? We can beat this _together_."

Well, at least she wasn't mad at him for keeping the Zuko thing a secret. Actually, she was being weirdly affectionate and understanding. After Aang promised her (again) that he would talk to Iroh, she pulled him into the deepest embrace he had ever gotten from her. It was very reminiscent of the time he had been shot with lightning and died, and she had cradled him in her arms (though technically he was _dead_ so he really shouldn't have any memories of that, but whatever).

"I love you, Aang," she murmured into his shoulder.

"Um…" he said awkwardly, rubbing circles into her back (this was _definitely _not how he envisioned this conversation ending…not that he was complaining). "I love you, too?"

More silence as they held each other.

"Katara," said Aang cautiously. "I…I can't breathe."

Silence.

"Katara…?"

* * *

All in all, today had been a pretty good day.

Zuko found himself in one of his rare pleasant moods as he came back from his market excursion. His basket had every single thing Uncle had put on the list, the shopkeeper had been almost reasonable (upon seeing that Zuko was Fire Nation he only charged him _double _the usual amount for cumquats), and no one had even tried to kill him yet. For a guy who frequently found himself on the wrong end of a would-be assassin's knife, this was a nice change.

Nothing could possibly ruin his day, now. Absolutely nothing.

Don't you love those famous last words?

Zuko stopped short as he heard the strange sound echoing out from the alley. It was very faint at first, certainly not loud enough to grab his attention on its own except for the motion of a rattling tin-can catching the Fire Lord's eye. He froze on instinct and waited just long enough to hear the tiny "mew" sound redoubling in pathetic earnest.

He stood absolutely still as an itty-bitty creature wobbled out from behind the can and pawed at it helplessly. It was a kitten-squirrel…a half-starved, big-eyed, bushy-tailed kitten-squirrel; all alone in the world with no one to love or protect it. And it was just a baby, too. He could tell by the look in its big round doe eyes as it finally noticed him gawking from the mouth of the alley.

Zuko stared at it. It stared back before letting out a very hesitant, "…mew."

His golden eyes widened at the inexplicable cuteness presented before him, a little cowed by it to be perfectly honest. He hadn't seen anything so frail-looking in his entire life, and it was kind of scary to imagine just how long such a creature would survive in the big, bad world.

It was quite obvious where this train of thought was leading, and Zuko was doing his damndest not to reach the station. It was a train-wreck waiting to happen.

"Don't be stupid," he muttered to himself in an attempt to see reason. "I can't just take the little beast…it probably has a family anyway."

"Mew," said the kitten-squirrel. Which probably translated to: "They say insanity runs in the family for a reason, oh, Tall-and-Scary Human."

Now that Zuko thought about it, the poor creature looked like a runt. He was bound to be an outcast. The other kitten-squirrels would probably laugh at him and ridicule him for his small size. More than likely, his younger sibling kitten-squirrel would probably outshine him in every single kitten-squirrel-related thing there was to shine at. And then the big bad Squirrel-Cat Lord of the alley would _shun _him and _bat_ him across the nose with a giant _flaming _paw!

Just like that! There would be a sudden Meow-Ni-Kai and then _Whack! Banishment! Shame! Humiliation!_

And then the poor little kitten-squirrel would be all alone, with not even a nice, fat Uncle Squirrel-Cat to make him tea. And eventually the unfortunate fellow would be banished to the far reaches of the flea-infested dumpster to look for the meowvatar…err…that is to say, the Avatar.

The more Zuko thought about it, the direr the kitten-squirrel's prospects seemed to become. The hardships in store for the little creature burgeoned into a black mushroom cloud of defeat in his mind. After all, how could a little kitten-squirrel capture the Avatar all by himself? He didn't even have opposable thumbs!

"Dammit," he grumbled. "I can't just leave it here."

Truth: Zuko may have been the acting regent of a country whose former national anthem had its youth praising genocide…but he was not heartless.

However, he _was _a tad self-conscious. Which was why he looked frantically over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching him. When the coast was clear, he ducked down and swiftly plucked the small animal from the gutter, holding the shivering creature against his chest. It mewed again, this time in distress. It didn't like being picked up by strange monarchs.

"Shhhh…" he soothed it. "Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you."

The kitten-squirrel was in very firm belief that this was not the case at all, and decided to express this by rolling its eyes into the back of its head and passing out.

Zuko thought this was a rather good first impression considering his usual luck with small animals and household pets. Most of his went missing and turned up dead after a few days. Sad to say that after Azula found the _fifth_ consecutive bunny-puppy corpse Ursa was forced to put a permanent ban on the tradition of pet-hood for the rest of Zuko's childhood days.

However, that particular bunny-puppy had been burned so badly that he couldn't even tell if it was even a bunny-puppy at all. He never said a word to anyone, but he very much believed that Mr. Flooffles had just run away out of spite. Azula seemed to think so, too.

Ursa had opted to make no comments on the matter.

"What am I going to name you?" he asked the unconscious kitten-squirrel as he continued down the street to the Jasmine Dragon.

The kitten-squirrel flopped lifelessly against his chest and offered no suggestions.

"Well, you're all alone…and mangy…but you've clearly survived by the skin of your teeth, which means you've had to really _work _for it. You've really got a will to live, don't you?"

The baby animal gave its agreement with silence (or maybe it was just still unconscious). It was definitely still alive, too, because Zuko could feel its little heart trying to beat its way out of its tiny chest in fright. And fear definitely indicated some sort of survival instinct.

"Hey," he said slowly, his golden eyes getting brighter by the second. "Wait a minute…that's perfect. Will-to-Live. Your name should be Will-to-Live."

At this point, Will-to-Live was starting to come to. "Mew…?"

"You like it? Then it's settled then." Zuko beamed down at the kitten-squirrel and stroked it behind the ears, something that made it flinch at first. After a few seconds of this gentle treatment, the baby animal started to melt under his touch and even managed a tentative purr. "You're going to love it at Uncle's teashop. He'll take good care of you, and then you'll grow up to be a big, strong Squirrel-Cat…and you'll get your honor back before you know it. You'll be bigger and stronger than any mangy elephant-rat that tries to get in the kitchens…or even your father. You'll prove your worth to him one day; don't worry."

"Mew?"

"Don't talk like that, Will-to-Live. You need to stay positive…like me."

The kitten-squirrel had a mind to shrug. He had no idea what this strange human was saying, but he liked being petted. Maybe if he kept playing cute, he'd get _fed, _too. That would be nice.

However, just as these fleeting notions of food and comfort started to form in Will-to-Live's kitten-squirrel brain, the air abruptly became thick with danger. There was a tangible aura of hostility emanating from the path ahead, something Zuko seemed oblivious to as murmured soothing words into Will-to-Live's pointed ears. Instinctively, the kitten-squirrel arched his back and forced every single hair on his body to stand on end as his claws came out.

Which turned out to be a good thing after all. As Zuko stopped abruptly short, hissing in pain as eight little claws dug into his arm, a water-whip stream-lined past him, missing his face by inches.

"An assassin?" he muttered in dismay. Then he glanced down at Will-to-Live, who had taken the temporary lapse in hostility as the perfect opportunity to pass out again. "You saved my life," he realized, cradling the kitten-squirrel in the crook of his arm.

His eyes narrowed as he caught sight of a figure crouched in the shadows ahead, watching him. The Waterbending assassin was waiting for his next move.

"And now it's time for me to save yours," he promised.

* * *

Meanwhile, Aang had finally made it back to the Jasmine Dragon after hastily dropping Appa off at the nearest stable. He had only paused to kiss Katara good-bye (as she suddenly had very pressing matters to attend to elsewhere in her best ninja gear…weird) and grab Momo before racing off to the upscale tea shop. Using that bizarre Airbending super-secret sonic speed technique that defied the laws of common sense, he made it to Iroh's domain in less than five minutes at a dead sprint.

He practically fainted on the doorstep he was so exhausted.

"Table for two?" the stuffy doorman inquired, seeming not to mind that Aang's second was a very bewildered flying lemur that happened to be clinging for dear life with all paws around his bald head.

"Y-yes…I mean, no…I mean…Iroh…! Need to see Iroh!"

"Unfortunately, Mister Iroh is out running errands until further notice. However, if you insist, I can pencil you in for a future appointment and have him contact you as soon as he becomes available again."

What?

"No," said Aang. "I need to see him _now_. _Today_."

"Normal business hours are from ten o' clock in the morning from Monday through Thursday until eight o' clock in the evening. I suggest you come back tomorrow when the tea shop is _open_."

"What do you mean? It's eight o' clock _now!_"

"To be precise, it is eight o' three, young Avatar," said the man crisply. "And it is no use asking to see Iroh as he is currently _not _at home."

Now, Aang was not in a very patient mood. In fact, he was almost desperate enough where the door-keeper's words would have sent him spiraling into the Avatar State. Almost, but not quite. Because just when he felt himself "getting his glow on," Iroh himself came bustling up the front steps carrying a brand new clay tea pot and a tightly-bound scroll with the White Lotus stamp on it.

"That won't be necessary, Pao," he said, handing Aang the teapot and patting the boy on the shoulder. "This is the Avatar. He is staying here until the next international peace summit with the Earth King, so be sure to let him in if I happen to be out."

"Of course, Sir."

Iroh nodded and smiled. Then he turned to Aang and whispered confidentially in his ear. "He's _new_."

The monk grinned a little manically (of _course _he was) and let out a nervous laugh. "No, it's fine. I mean, I've only been trying to talk to you since yesterday…and had no idea where you went. That's all. It's not like lives are at stake, here, or anything…heh…heh, heh…"

The tea-maker raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps you would like to elaborate on that cryptic statement over a cup of _soothing _chamomile tea," he suggested, leading the boy (or perhaps _steering _would be a better word) towards the dining area. He plopped Aang down at the table closest to the kitchen, took the teapot back, and set to work.

Or he would have if his guest would be patient and wait for his tea instead of chasing him into the kitchen and practically clawing his arm off.

"You don't understand," he told Iroh frantically. "This isn't about me, it's about _Zuko_. I think he's going to do something…bad."

"Now, Aang," said Iroh a little sternly. "Really, I know the Yu Dao Incident has caused you a great deal of worry, but Zuko has already proven himself to be a capable leader. I would think that would have earned him a certain amount of _trust_."

"Yeah, but…"

"Then I am certain that he is _just fine_."

* * *

Zuko was most certainly NOT fine.

He thrust his fist out and launched a few bursts of fire at his rapidly approaching assailant, who bent an ice slide to carry herself (he was certain the assassin was female) over and around him. He wheeled and jumped back to avoid another barrage of ice projectiles, melting them before they could bury themselves in his vital organs.

Unfortunately, as he touched down several yards back, the assassin sent a water-whip snaking around his ankle and _tugged_. Zuko fell gracelessly on his ass, almost flattening Will-to-Live, who mewled in distress.

The kitten-squirrel squirmed out of his grip and went to hide inside the Fire Lord's dropped and (now-empty) basket, fur bristling and tail stiff as a rod. The cumquats lay splattered on the ground next to the floored firebender. He didn't move as the waterbender approached him with death in her eyes.

Wait a minute…he recognized those eyes.

"Katara?"

"What?" she spat, pulling off the scarf disguising her and glaring at him. "You can't say you didn't see this coming after what you did. And just so you know, you can start begging for your life now…not that it'll make a difference. I'm going to kill you."

It was taking a few moments for Zuko's brain to catch up.

"Kill me?" he repeated. "Wait, what are you talking about? What did I do?"

Katara grabbed the Fire Lord by the scruff of his shirt, dragged his butt off the ground, and slammed him into a wall. A moment later he found himself being held there by the point of a very sharp looking icicle poised dangerously over his Adam's apple. His eyes went wide in shock.

"I _warned _you," she growled. "Remember? Back at the Western Air Temple I said very clearly that if you did _anything _to hurt Aang, I would put an end to your destiny…_permanently_. And apparently you didn't listen to me."

Zuko blinked in frantic bewilderment. "W-what?"

"Quit playing dumb! Aang said that you _knew_. He's been suicidal all this time and you _knew _and you never told me you…you…_jerk!_"

And then Katara decided to completely abandon any sense of dignity by bursting into tears. She let the icicle melt away into a puddle at her feet as she blew her nose into the Fire Lord's shirt, something he definitely didn't appreciate. It was all he could do to awkwardly take her by the shoulders after she had moments ago held him at weapon point with a visible intent to kill.

"Go back to the part about Aang being suicidal," he said slowly as the information refused to compute in his brain. "What are you even talking about? Aang isn't suicidal."

"Yes, he is! Stop lying to me!"

Zuko shook his head incredulously. "Since when?"

The Water Tribe girl sniffled angrily. "Since _forever!_ He said he wished he hadn't woken up from the iceberg at all! He called himself a _flawed _Avatar and said he was failing in his responsibilities…and he wants to _die _so that another Avatar can be born in the cycle to fix things! And…you…_knew!" _she fumed, stabbing his chest with an accusing finger to punctuate her words.

Zuko felt his heart lurch in guilt. Hearing the words _flawed Avatar _brought him back to last night when he had been talking to Aang. Granted, he had been somewhat hazy after his four days spent unconscious, so it was kind of hard to focus on what was being said at the time. But that was no excuse, apparently, since he had remembered enough of that conversation to have a sinking feeling in his chest upon hearing Katara's heated accusation.

"_As soon as my foot slipped, I knew you wouldn't let me die."_

"…_because I'm a flawed Avatar," _the monk had responded sadly, looking uncharacteristically grim as he stared into his cooling cup of tea.

Had that been what Katara was talking about? Had that been some sort of cry for help? And he had missed it because he was too fixated on finding his mother?

Maybe the Waterbender hadn't completely lost her mind after all. Zuko loosened his grip on her, his face growing pale as he looked her dead in the eyes. She stared tearfully back at him, her expression so taut and anxious that it destroyed any chances in his mind that this was just some sort of twisted prank. She was absolutely certain that Aang wanted to kill himself.

Oh, Agni.

* * *

**A/N: And so it begins.**

**I know the first part of this chapter wasn't very funny. Again, suicide is a very serious topic and tends to make for a serious scene. Hopefully you guys agree with me that it was necessary in setting up the humor at the end of the chapter. Finally, we can see the words from the previous two chapters coming back to haunt Aang as Katara gets the wrong end of the stick and jumps to blame Zuko because of it.**

**And Zuko makes a new friend. Presenting the kitten-squirrel hazardously named Will-to-Live. I thought it would make for an interesting metaphor standing on spindly little legs as it moseyed its way up to Zuko and mewed at him. Come on? Who can resist a little kitteney-squirrel face like that? I can see the kitten-squirrel as the perfect animal to act as a metaphor for Zuko's "will to live" since the little guy tends to play dead repeatedly. That comes from its squirrel half, which I'm pretty sure is related to the possum.**

**Why a kitten-squirrel and not a possum-kitten? Well, let me ask you this: which of those two animals sounds more likely to have rabies? Be honest...kitten-squirrel sounds WAY cuter. I am also aware that regular cats exist in Avatarverse...and I don't care. Zuko finds a kitten-squirrel. Deal with it. **

**Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, all of Zuko's childhood pets were butchered by Azula (the little scamp). Ursa did a lot of damage control back in those days to prevent permanent psychological scarring in young Zuko (it's mind canon that this is one of the reasons why she mutters to herself about Azula "What is **_**wrong **_**with that child?").**

**Nuff said.**

**The imagined traumas of Will-to-Live (specifically the Meow-Ni-Kai and Will-to-Live's eventual (imagined) banishment to hunt for the "Meowvatar") was originally going to spawn its own fic. I was planning on writing something a cute humor/parody fic called: "Meowvatar: The Last Petbender." Zuko would be an angry cat with a splotch of dark fur over one eye. And the dreaded Agni Kai would be a pissed off Ozai cat swatting Zuko-kitten across the nose.**

**The trauma!**

**I didn't have the time to actually make it a fic (yet), but it's sitting there in my brain. I want to write it so bad, but I have a crap-ton of other things to work on right now. I should be writing the next chapter to Avatar Aang and the Chocolate Factory right now, as a matter of fact.**

**Anyway, the theme of this chapter was "Tradition" and how it quite often needs to be broken in order for society to progress and evolve into something new. Obviously progress isn't always a good thing (as is evidenced by the Fire Nation's approach to progress; amped up technology meant more war weapons to exploit their enemies and more **_**pollution**_** to exploit everyone else). But staying fixed in one's ways tends to end just as badly if the Earth King and the Dai Li are any example.**

**That's why Aang is so grim after gathering his Air Acolytes. He is aware of the need for change and progress, and knows how vital it is to preserve the Air Nomad culture. But he is also fearful that any changes he makes might come back to haunt future generations. His rapidly dissolving faith in Roku has deeply shaken him and caused him to doubt himself as an Avatar.**

**And so now Katara thinks he's depressed (and to be honest, she's probably not wrong). **

**Let's be honest; Aang went through a ton of traumatic shit during the war. He's seen Monk Gyatso's skeleton, watched homes burn down, people dying and fighting to end the war…and has probably been blaming himself the entire time. I don't think he's really had a chance to sit down and actually deal with his issues while he was busy trying to overthrow that ass-hat Ozai. Unless you count Dr. Wang Fire (a.k.a. Sokka), he hasn't even seen a therapist.**

**Katara tried her best here and there during the course of the show, and Aang is obviously very good at avoiding the issues until he absolutely has no choice but to deal with them **_**head on**_**.**** And this was probably the most practical thing to do during the war. But the war is over now and the time has come to take those traumatic memories off his mental shelf and sort through them.**

**So, yeah…not a happy brain place for the young Avatar. Sorry guys.**

**I realize that Aang should have spoken to Iroh already (as is the most logical course of action upon realizing your friend is suicidal). But the next scene in the comic showed him talking to his Air Acolytes, and I realized that this was something he probably had arranged days ago, before he had his talk with Zuko. At that point it probably would have been really, really hard to call it off at the last second; and I can imagine Aang being worried that a lot of them would get fed up if he had. He probably wouldn't want too many of them to quit wanting to learn the Air Nomad heritage, or he'd be back at square one with his problem of preserving his culture all on his onesies.**

**To add to the plausibility of Aang's decision to continue on with the meeting, I arranged a very plot-convenient Order of the White Lotus meeting to keep Iroh indisposed until Aang was done talking to his new disciples (and Katara) so I could set up the plot for the rest of the chapter. It's blatant lampshading and I don't care. It's a humor fic. I'll lampshade as much as I damn well please in a humor fic. I think I can get away with it in this instance.**

**Thank you for digesting this lump of an Author's Note. If you aren't too disgusted with me for rambling on and on so shamelessly, please take the time to REVIEW. I'd really appreciate it.**

**Thanks in advance!**


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